Come play with me on the trainlines,
Where such as us will finally be.
Smoke the smoke of dragons,
Keep a cruel wit with me.
Gave you my last pills,
i'm not inclined to stash.
swallow all and gobble up,
mixed with finest hash.
Grass, great fields gave way their rolls and folds to a new kind of silence. No power lines to see on the view below the bridge.
I remember when, on a hot summers day, just before school ended...A man threw himself off here...They closed the whole area down...Blocked off the woods...
What happened?? I must resist! I cannot glare, Stare into the abyss much longer. It shrivels the senses and dulls pain...SO IS IT BAD?
To obtain my visions i suffer. I pay in blood, and in tears and in debts. I am left as one who has felt paradise, but has then has it snatched away again.
I saw this day, in my mind. I always knew. But...I envisioned a sunny day...I envisioned a day like of my childhood. Oh, Fabulous release.
One must be absolutely modern.
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Sunday, 13 February 2011
Some life...
Last night was a torrid night.
A lot of harm was done. I couldnt use the laptop....So nobody saved me.
HELP
A lot of harm was done. I couldnt use the laptop....So nobody saved me.
HELP
Thursday, 3 February 2011
Tom Vs Homelessness
I feel compelled to tell the story of my infant outrage as i realised people have to live on the streets...IT KILLS ME!
So i was 8 years old. I went to sheffield with my parents, It was december 1994 and i bought a PJ and duncan CD (I was 8 FFS!) we came out of a shop as the light fell and we were approached by a young boy selling the big issue. My father bought one and then started to exlain to me why the big issue existed and explained homelessness to me.
Now to say this effected me would be to put it mildly. I WAS DISTRAUGHT! I cried "why?" to my parents and then demanded "Who is in charge?", They told me about the prime minister and i fired up the ancient amstrad word processor and wrote a letter to John Major.
I am going to find and transcribe this but basically i asked him why these people couldnt be given clothes and a place to live so that they could work. When i got a reply i was thrilled that this man, the PRIME MINISTER had read my letter. I kept it and will scan it in.
Now i actually think about it though the reply was a standard fob off and the cunt had no intention of changing things.
Things are still harsh out there...These people arent inhuman animals, They are LIVING BEINGS!!! We need to look after these people! And the real kicker is; The number of homeless under 16 is increasing. These vulnerable souls often fall prey to the sex and drugs trade and what should have been a teen crisis turns into a dead kid, overdosed and frozen. MAKES ME SICK!
MAKE IT CHANGE PEOPLE!
So i was 8 years old. I went to sheffield with my parents, It was december 1994 and i bought a PJ and duncan CD (I was 8 FFS!) we came out of a shop as the light fell and we were approached by a young boy selling the big issue. My father bought one and then started to exlain to me why the big issue existed and explained homelessness to me.
Now to say this effected me would be to put it mildly. I WAS DISTRAUGHT! I cried "why?" to my parents and then demanded "Who is in charge?", They told me about the prime minister and i fired up the ancient amstrad word processor and wrote a letter to John Major.
I am going to find and transcribe this but basically i asked him why these people couldnt be given clothes and a place to live so that they could work. When i got a reply i was thrilled that this man, the PRIME MINISTER had read my letter. I kept it and will scan it in.
Now i actually think about it though the reply was a standard fob off and the cunt had no intention of changing things.
Things are still harsh out there...These people arent inhuman animals, They are LIVING BEINGS!!! We need to look after these people! And the real kicker is; The number of homeless under 16 is increasing. These vulnerable souls often fall prey to the sex and drugs trade and what should have been a teen crisis turns into a dead kid, overdosed and frozen. MAKES ME SICK!
MAKE IT CHANGE PEOPLE!
Dancing in the road (part ii)
We dont take no...Advice,
Go weigh yourself, some scales and a knife.
Your baby blue eyes...Open wide,
Shut the curtain on the night now...well.
We've had our pills and now we're dancing in the road,
Try to remember what went wrong them years ago.
In an unknown town, an unknown place,
You're allways getting off your face...
And she....She's not amused....No she's not amused at you.
We was'nt good...At school,
The teachers said; "Oh well you fucked up all the world".
Your baby blue eyes...Open wide,
Shut the curtain on the night now...Well.
We've had our pills and now we're dancing in the road,
Try to remember what went wrong them years ago.
In an unknown town, an unknown place,
You're allways getting off your face...
And she....She's not amused....No she's not amused at you.
You dont need nowt...From me,
So console yourself, im happy just to see...
Those baby blue eyes...Open wide,
Shut the curtain on the night now...Well.
We've had our pills and now we're dancing in the road,
Try to remember what went wrong them years ago.
In an unknown town, an unknown place,
You're allways getting off your face...
And she....She's not amused....No she's not amused at you.
Oh boy...You lost contr-o-o-o-l,
Of your head and then your soul...
Just watch me rip and tear apart,
your baby blue eyes...open wide,
Shut the curtain on the night now well
Go weigh yourself, some scales and a knife.
Your baby blue eyes...Open wide,
Shut the curtain on the night now...well.
We've had our pills and now we're dancing in the road,
Try to remember what went wrong them years ago.
In an unknown town, an unknown place,
You're allways getting off your face...
And she....She's not amused....No she's not amused at you.
We was'nt good...At school,
The teachers said; "Oh well you fucked up all the world".
Your baby blue eyes...Open wide,
Shut the curtain on the night now...Well.
We've had our pills and now we're dancing in the road,
Try to remember what went wrong them years ago.
In an unknown town, an unknown place,
You're allways getting off your face...
And she....She's not amused....No she's not amused at you.
You dont need nowt...From me,
So console yourself, im happy just to see...
Those baby blue eyes...Open wide,
Shut the curtain on the night now...Well.
We've had our pills and now we're dancing in the road,
Try to remember what went wrong them years ago.
In an unknown town, an unknown place,
You're allways getting off your face...
And she....She's not amused....No she's not amused at you.
Oh boy...You lost contr-o-o-o-l,
Of your head and then your soul...
Just watch me rip and tear apart,
your baby blue eyes...open wide,
Shut the curtain on the night now well
FOLLY OF THUNDERS
The folly of thunders,
My diary of a lover.
Wished i was rimbaud,
Or another...
Who lived at liberty,
I'm not free.
All these yes men...
Just agree.
But do you care?
Do you care enough to take this chance?
To scratch the surface?
Was it the torrent of passion?
The folly of thunders?
Or my diary of a lover?
...Ahhh....She's no scrubber.
X
My diary of a lover.
Wished i was rimbaud,
Or another...
Who lived at liberty,
I'm not free.
All these yes men...
Just agree.
But do you care?
Do you care enough to take this chance?
To scratch the surface?
Was it the torrent of passion?
The folly of thunders?
Or my diary of a lover?
...Ahhh....She's no scrubber.
X
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
Dead junkies society
This may seem like the calm before a fight,
But dont be afraid of what i said last night.
Cause i was a waste....
Turned up and said no way.
You might see some things that you like,
But you wouldnt like if i carry a knife.
What did DeeDee say....
Always carry a switchblade.
Oh...What a confession,
The things that turn you on are the things that you know are wrong.
Another "whizz binge session",
Another ode to being free, another list of things you hate about me.
She said "something 'bout you boys not quite right",
And i told you how i ripped it up last night.
What did johnny say....
Johnny...johnny....johnny
She picks me up, puts me down,
Says "its a horrorshow, come on round".
Old habits just dont die...
Its the sickest story of my life....
What did johnny say....
On the subway train....
Oh...What a confession,
The things that turn you on are the things that you know are wrong.
Another "whizz binge session",
Another ode to being free, another list of things you hate about...
Oh...What a confession,
The things that turn you on are the things that you know are wrong.
Another "whizz binge session",
Another ode to being free, another list of things you c...c...cunts cant stand....About....me
But dont be afraid of what i said last night.
Cause i was a waste....
Turned up and said no way.
You might see some things that you like,
But you wouldnt like if i carry a knife.
What did DeeDee say....
Always carry a switchblade.
Oh...What a confession,
The things that turn you on are the things that you know are wrong.
Another "whizz binge session",
Another ode to being free, another list of things you hate about me.
She said "something 'bout you boys not quite right",
And i told you how i ripped it up last night.
What did johnny say....
Johnny...johnny....johnny
She picks me up, puts me down,
Says "its a horrorshow, come on round".
Old habits just dont die...
Its the sickest story of my life....
What did johnny say....
On the subway train....
Oh...What a confession,
The things that turn you on are the things that you know are wrong.
Another "whizz binge session",
Another ode to being free, another list of things you hate about...
Oh...What a confession,
The things that turn you on are the things that you know are wrong.
Another "whizz binge session",
Another ode to being free, another list of things you c...c...cunts cant stand....About....me
Eyeholes
Took off to the woods to just go throw myself away,
You will be there as i go...In that uncertain little way.
I could be the first, the worst, the baddest there could be,
And you could look all night but you'll not find no-one quite like me.
I told you...What i say
I told you...what i play
I told you.....(Turned to me and said)
"all you play and all you say, it scares me half to death",
Turned and walked away, leaving me in my duress.
i was left in dire need of a little company,
You walked through the door, blinded me but i still see.
I told you...I cant be fake
I told you...Just to wait
I told you.....(story goes like this)
She just wanted me to be her little tin soldier,
Wouldnt be there when i fall, wouldnt be there if i should falter.
I needed a muse who would be bothered if i OD,
Wrap me up in bubblewrap with eyeholes, so i can see.
Eyeholes...A...a...a...a...Eyeholes
(gets a little deeper)
I still get a rush when i think of all the games,
Things just arent the same, Things wont ever be the same.
Saw those 99 times you cut and i OD'd,
Wrap you up, You wrap me up...Match me in my...Fatality.
Eyeholes.....A...a...a...a...Eyeholes
I never could decide so go-on all take a verse,
Made up my mind...i will allways pick the worst.
The worst for some is my best friend, Came when i OD'd,
The only one, my only one...aspired to my....Fatality
You will be there as i go...In that uncertain little way.
I could be the first, the worst, the baddest there could be,
And you could look all night but you'll not find no-one quite like me.
I told you...What i say
I told you...what i play
I told you.....(Turned to me and said)
"all you play and all you say, it scares me half to death",
Turned and walked away, leaving me in my duress.
i was left in dire need of a little company,
You walked through the door, blinded me but i still see.
I told you...I cant be fake
I told you...Just to wait
I told you.....(story goes like this)
She just wanted me to be her little tin soldier,
Wouldnt be there when i fall, wouldnt be there if i should falter.
I needed a muse who would be bothered if i OD,
Wrap me up in bubblewrap with eyeholes, so i can see.
Eyeholes...A...a...a...a...Eyeholes
(gets a little deeper)
I still get a rush when i think of all the games,
Things just arent the same, Things wont ever be the same.
Saw those 99 times you cut and i OD'd,
Wrap you up, You wrap me up...Match me in my...Fatality.
Eyeholes.....A...a...a...a...Eyeholes
I never could decide so go-on all take a verse,
Made up my mind...i will allways pick the worst.
The worst for some is my best friend, Came when i OD'd,
The only one, my only one...aspired to my....Fatality
The willingness to detox
I feel (perhaps for the first time) A compulsion to be clean,chemically. I have, for the latter part of my life used and abused many diferent substances to help me get over certain emotions (im not going to bore you with the tedium of my neurosis). Suffice to say...Things have taken their toll.
I realised as i sat with my guitar, Forcefully sober one day in january. I realised that sober i have a lot more bite, urgency and punchyness in my voice and in my playing. I have always played intoxicated to an extent, Believing it to enhance my abiltities. However, I now begin to see that smoke in particular has clouded and dulled the sensations i would have felt touring with my old band.
Maybe people like me do need medicating, Maybe i am just sedating the demon within me....One phrase resonates in my head at the moment "Tommy takes drugs in psycic defence"...I always search for vindication...It is a junkies curse...As displayed by my many idols who happen to use drugs. Kurt cobain had an unexplained "untreatable" stomach condition for the majority of his life. Now im not saying that he exagerated but he no doubt used the condition as an excuse (its not like he legally obtained heroin to deal with it, he bought it!).
Im not saying i am as bad as kurt, Or Johnny thunders...But i can see many paralels between us. I only hope i am astute enough to be able to stop the cycle and prevent myself suffering the same fate as my heroes.
I cant lie....Meeting you has changed EVERYTHING.
Im not trying to tie you to me or put responsibilty on you but i want you to know that you, Little miss innocence have had a profound influence on me. For the first time i want to LIVE. I want to feed myself on life instead of starving to death, A rotten shell.
I have never met anyone,
quite like you before.
Never met anyone,
So much like me.
Not wanting nothing more...
Than to turn your pages...
Reveling with glee...
In all the scraps...
You throw to me.
x
I realised as i sat with my guitar, Forcefully sober one day in january. I realised that sober i have a lot more bite, urgency and punchyness in my voice and in my playing. I have always played intoxicated to an extent, Believing it to enhance my abiltities. However, I now begin to see that smoke in particular has clouded and dulled the sensations i would have felt touring with my old band.
Maybe people like me do need medicating, Maybe i am just sedating the demon within me....One phrase resonates in my head at the moment "Tommy takes drugs in psycic defence"...I always search for vindication...It is a junkies curse...As displayed by my many idols who happen to use drugs. Kurt cobain had an unexplained "untreatable" stomach condition for the majority of his life. Now im not saying that he exagerated but he no doubt used the condition as an excuse (its not like he legally obtained heroin to deal with it, he bought it!).
Im not saying i am as bad as kurt, Or Johnny thunders...But i can see many paralels between us. I only hope i am astute enough to be able to stop the cycle and prevent myself suffering the same fate as my heroes.
I cant lie....Meeting you has changed EVERYTHING.
Im not trying to tie you to me or put responsibilty on you but i want you to know that you, Little miss innocence have had a profound influence on me. For the first time i want to LIVE. I want to feed myself on life instead of starving to death, A rotten shell.
I have never met anyone,
quite like you before.
Never met anyone,
So much like me.
Not wanting nothing more...
Than to turn your pages...
Reveling with glee...
In all the scraps...
You throw to me.
x
At work...Dull senses...Frustration
I start my blog under the influence of my beloved innocent uke. Though knowing this person for a relatively short time the influence of her cannot be measured.
My work is a total drag, Though i am happy to have these people around me i cant help but sit wondering what the point of it all is. I long for a purpose...When i was young i was told i was special due to my talents. Its a shame when you realise your negative qualities outweigh your talents.
I suppose the real reason for this blog is to re-ignite my creative talents. I used to write every second of the day, now the words just dont come out. I will publish some of my allready written pieces to this blog and also hopefully rediscover a niche...So readers may be lucky enough to watch me spark into life...I know one of you will anyway...
My senses come alive through a chemical haze as i feel the sparks of new feelings bud within me. All i want is to cast off this wretched poison within me and be reborn. I hav'nt felt this hope in a very long time and i hope that this special person does not deny me the pleasure of unity that we deserve.
I get paid tomorow, a very disapointing amount due to my recent absence. i also find that i have a £10.000
life insurance policyu on me through work...Is that what im worth? The amount is vaguely insulting, Do you not think?
Tramadol at work = Beautiful as a rock in a cops face.
Hugs, Kisses and mutual psycosis
The Asbokid xx
More to come...
My work is a total drag, Though i am happy to have these people around me i cant help but sit wondering what the point of it all is. I long for a purpose...When i was young i was told i was special due to my talents. Its a shame when you realise your negative qualities outweigh your talents.
I suppose the real reason for this blog is to re-ignite my creative talents. I used to write every second of the day, now the words just dont come out. I will publish some of my allready written pieces to this blog and also hopefully rediscover a niche...So readers may be lucky enough to watch me spark into life...I know one of you will anyway...
My senses come alive through a chemical haze as i feel the sparks of new feelings bud within me. All i want is to cast off this wretched poison within me and be reborn. I hav'nt felt this hope in a very long time and i hope that this special person does not deny me the pleasure of unity that we deserve.
I get paid tomorow, a very disapointing amount due to my recent absence. i also find that i have a £10.000
life insurance policyu on me through work...Is that what im worth? The amount is vaguely insulting, Do you not think?
Tramadol at work = Beautiful as a rock in a cops face.
Hugs, Kisses and mutual psycosis
The Asbokid xx
More to come...
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